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First off, I don't want to start without even greeting everyone a Happy New Year. I am skipping my new year's resolution because I don't want to be excessive in being a control freak. I have already concurred to the fact that I cant control everything so I am just leaving it all up to pure instinct at this point.

I had a great holiday which I feel would be my last here in CDO if my plans would pursue this year. There has been a lot of movements of people around me lately, in the office, my friends, relatives and even my siblings. All these made me reconsider what I have been doing for the last 4 years here in CDO. Would this be enough for me to say that its about time to close the chapters of my life here and proceed to writing a new one somewhere? I am not worried at all of whats going to become, I am far more concern of making most of my time while I am considerably young. So the question of which I have not entertained for at least 2 years resurfaced again, "is it time for me to move?".

I have done the best I could in everything so far. Though I have seen so many down falls, still I was able to cope up and go on. Career wise I think there is much to explore, so much to consider. There are still other things which i have not taken into another level and as being a trainer that's how i feel. I have cast my gaze over the turfs of Cebu. My last visit there rekindled a lot of lost feelings, but somehow all the changes that happened in the city in the years of my absence made me a little alienated. "How about Manila?" I mused but I am too old to do major adjustments. I have lost the sense of adventure and that alone made me discount that thought.

A bigger city, a wider scope for opportunities. That's all I have in mind, but i can never discount the fact that a little bit earlier I thought of moving back in Cebu not because of these career chow chows. It was because i wanted to be with someone. I am in a relationship as of the moment and well it's just been 3 months. I have always said a lot of things such as not going back to one, but i know that's only when I get burned, when i hurt. So here i am again, armed with lessons of my past relationship I ventured into another. "This time", I thought, "would be different". It's nice to feel the rush of emotions when you think of the person, I'd better give my all than regret it in the end.

Because of this, I've already spoken to my mom about my plans. There's a lot of risks I am going to take but all these means nothing as long as I am pursuing it for happiness, for the one i love. And, should I fail in this relationship I would say that at least I loved and was loved in return to some extent. How about the pain? Well I should not forget that it's always been part and parcel of this relationship. I just want to love without any restrictions, without any conditions if I may say. I want to learn to become a better person, I think that's what a relationship should bring out of you and not your bad side. Above all I know things will be okay, as long as my partner loves me in the same way as i do, then things will be alright.

Still speaking of relationships, whatever got into me? Since before i could never imagine having a romantic relationship from a distance. But what about this time? Well, this is my second time so far when it comes to running a long distance affair. All the effort I exert is just so taxing. The good side about having a Long distance relationship is that you almost own all of your time. Yet, you would still have to give more in terms of everything. Because of the distance, relationships like this should have to be founded on trust. trust is the main key by far and both parties must be trustworthy.

Putting trust in the picture, I do have issues regarding that. I am not talking about third parties, no not that, at least I am too in love to entertain one. My issue really has something to do with trust but it's on another level and not about infidelity. The thing is, I have been bothered with this weird feeling that something is not right between me and my partner. I feel like I am not getting all the attention I need and that just ticks me off a bit. I had been trying to rule it all out to my paranoia because I act like a deranged lover sometimes (lol). But still that little voice called intuition makes you feel uncomfortable whenever it starts to chatter. My thinking is that my partner is not just so into me or at least that's how I feel. We've talked about this and I was assured that the feeling is still there and as a matter of fact my partner added that it has even intensified. I would like to mention also the help that all my friends have given in terms of giving me a sound advice that could knock me off my insanity, especially to Peter Paul who thinks that that "something's wrong" feeling I got is just a manifestation of my paranoia. That's all he said after I allowed him to listen to a conversation I had with my partner over the phone. Well I think all this is because i am not used to being that far away from my partner. I just need to loosen up a bit, anyway the big day to crack this big decision up is still about to come and I know that a lot of things can still happen somewhere in between. So until then I remain... happy New Year to everyone!

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