I am at a loss for words. There is so much going on in my head that even controlling my fingers to search for the right letters on my keyboard is an ordeal. When was the last time I acted like this?

I was listening to people talking as they freely verbalized their thoughts. Both of them clinging lightly to their cigarettes, and briefly I recalled the last time I held a stick, the aroma of the smoke trying to find the access to my nostrils, and its figure making the things around me look like I am perched on a cloud.

I have stopped smoking, since the time I found that there is nothing addictive in it. But before all of this, in the days when I was puffing smoke in and out, it wasn't the nicotine that I was after, it was the idea of keeping my fingers and my mouth busy, grounded to reality, as I get lost in my thoughts. I was not addicted, I was comforted.

As I went back from the euphoria of my memories, I was confronted with the situation I have been trying to run away from. And I felt pain as it cuddled me into a subtle sob. I lost balance in my chair as my heart started to send tremors to my body. I was about to give-in to my tears, but logic got the best of me - "your milk has been spilled, just wait for your next glass". I stood up, left their company and headed to my table inside the office to get lost in the nothingness of my insatiable qualms.

I don't want to start a bad habit, not smoking. Not in the comfort of alcohol, maybe just a little dose over the weekend to ease up my restlessness. All this feels strange, freedom should not be like this at all, not that i know of. This new found liberty is just too much to supervise. In this the impression of freedom, I realize that the only company I have is loneliness.

I started to feel cold, I have never felt this weird before, not when the things outside are scalding under the ruthlessness of the summer sun. I rubbed my palm over my arms and felt the warmth of my fingers. In the bliss of the moment, I was imagining. The fingers who ones knew the landscape of my body, sensitive to my brewing emotions inside, latching itself to the fingers of my own. Those arms were my comfort amidst the harshness of the world outside. I am protected, I am loved. And abruptly as it seemed I fell back in to reality that my life for almost 2 years, is gone.

I wept silently as I reasoned with my emotions, its over. The companionship that I've seen through the thickest and the thinnest, that one solace I enjoyed that is totally different from the ones I have known. I have never loved like this, not in the open. Not in the midst of my imperfections. I have given all I have got and proved that somehow, once in a mortal life I found someone that is my perfect fit. YOU were my perfect fit, and for embracing me for who I am and for who I cannot become, I will be forever in your debt.

Now, you are gone. My world will no longer be the same. I've never regretted having met you. even if I die a million times over, I would always find ways to get back to the days we were one. As I console myself alone, I ones more ran back to your arms where I used to belong. Forever etched, in my thought, you are with me...