It has been a full week of cramming, sleeplessness, anxiety, and loneliness, bordering the reality of not being noticed with the one you like and missing a not so distant past.
I just remembered It's been a year, I recollected those pieces. Checked my heart, noticed that the wound has healed. The scars are still there but it is beating perfectly, as if nothing happened. Recently I almost damaged it again, but all those aching moments I spent turned out to be a good way of strengthening me. 3 weeks ago I decided to end a relationship, the relationship that gave me the will to move out of Cagayan de Oro and back to Cebu just to be with my partner. Half smiling, I realized, not all those unbelieveable scenes that I think can only happen in overly, exagerated Telenovelas can also happen in real life, and the worst is that it happened in mine.
It is a new career in a city I once called my second Home. The hustle and bustle of a metropolitan lifestyle. Different people, different walks of life. All forming an intricate pattern too big for me to get along. Everything is difficult if you live alone. I feel so small and worthless. I landed a job that is asking too much in exchange of a big pay. I feel so inadequate and less equiped. It made me ask, what have I been doing for the last 4 years to improve myself? Sad, there used to be someone who saw the very best in me and in my worst that person carried me without even asking or grumbling. Time has changed everything, a lot.
It was a fine day, a couple of minutes more and then work will soon take over the crevices of my thoughts. Before I get lost in that limbo, I held on to myself as I boarded the elevator, without missing a beat, I pressed the number 6 button. I recalled the flight of stairs I used to go through and the warm smiles of the people I considered my second family. How are they doing now? I mused as I waited for the lift to reach the 6th floor. And, as the door opened, I reliquished my thoughts back to the reality; it's another day in the office.
Where am I really heading? That is a question I cant answer, I missed my mom so much and I am taking time in adjusting to eveything. Plus, falling in love in a big city like cebu is just different from Cagayan de Oro. People here can be so fiercely blunt and sometimes completely indifferent, even the person I am beginning to like. Some people doesnt have the balls to tell you the truth that they dont like you, and some just wants you to read between the lines.